Muck Barn fo Life

I agree.  I learned this term at a very young age when it was taught to me by an english teacher in my school, who also happened to be my girlfriends mother.  Good story, but its been told too many times.  Before learning this term, my friends and I had started calling this a "Jer Sandwich." 

I no longer feel so strongly about this as I once did, however I still very much support the sign. According to "The Pittsburgh Rule,"  this is an unacceptable thing to do.  Well fuck Pittsburgh.  And fuck Pitt for losing last night to ruin my chances of winning my pool for the NCAA tournament.

hot steece?

Its all about the Mr. Clean/ Beard steece.  The beard is pretty excellent, and really stands out among the freshly shaven head.  If I could pull something like this off, I most certainly would.

Ma ze FUCK!?!?!

Saw this in the grocery store.  What dumbfuck translated this?  Soapless soap? 

I knew it was right

I told her 

"All I wan't is jalepeno poppers and pussy."

She replied:

"I can give you both"

Ashtray/Coaster

After the recent smoking ban was passed in Israel, nothing much has changed. You wont find some one smoking in a hospital, or probably not in a gym. Among the various attempts to curb Israels addiction to cigarettes, one of which is to charge a fine to establishments for having ashtrays. Instead of using ashtrays in bars, people have begun to make them out of disposable beer coasters. One marketing company took it one step further and began to make Ashtray/Coasters. There are creases that enable one to easily turn a coaster into an ashtray. Their first designs are pretty sweet.

Purim rave steece 4/8/09-4/9/09

Craziest day/ night of my life. The venue wasnt announced until a few hours before the party. We rented a large van, had a great crew, a tent, some food and drinks and we were all set to go. The place was absolutely beautiful. Mountains, ruins, hot springs, Israeli women. What else could you ask for? We arrived around 2am and didn't leave the next day till around 1pm. At that time the party was still going strong, but we had exhausted way too much energy. It was all about instinct. Everyone there was all about instinct. Should I dance? Should I sit and chill? Should I sleep? (definitely not). Everyone there was so cool. Only there to enjoy life doing whatever it is that makes them happy.

On a related note.

So I made my previous post last night about buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo. Only to wake up the next morning to my brother shaking me saying "BILLS SIGNED TO TO A 1 YEAR 6.5 MILLION DOLLAR DEAL!" When I woke up I was so excited to see TO on the front page of ESPN. Being a Bills fan throughout my whole life has been pretty painful. They are they only professional sports team that I feel any sense of emotion for. And sundays have usually been pretty depressing throughout the majority of my life. But this is exciting. The spotlight. Maybe even some prime time games??? I think Jim Kraus put it pretty well.

"How bout those Hollywood Bills"

Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo.

If you haven't ever heard about "Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo." then you probably aught to know a little more about it. In fact, Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo." is a complete sentence. Any number of "buffalos" is acceptable to form a grammatically correct sentence. Essentially it means Buffalos (the animal) buffalo (or bully) other Buffalos who buffalo (bully) other buffalos and so forth. Once you start talking about "Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo." it is hard to stop, and often you may feel as though you are saying buffalo too often.

On a side note. GO BILLS!

SHAQ

Not really so sure about this whole Twitter thing. But I just got this link of shaqs twitter. This shit is really wild. People are going crazy. Rightfully so.

Thanks cones

Nice.

What I want for my birthday.

This Cunt Coloring Book can be bought for only $8.95 on Amazon.com.  I am very easy to please.  My birthday is coming up and I couldn't think of anything that I wanted until I came across this.  Who is this Tee Corinne guy?  How many copies has this book sold?  No but seriously.  I want a copy of this, and I could probably name a few friends who would also be interested but I feel like we are a rare breed.  Aren't coloring books supposed to be for kids? Do perverted fathers give this book to their children who they think might be gay?  Or do gynecologists put these books in their waiting rooms for children to have something to do while their mother is trying to find out why she wont stop producing cottage cheese between her legs?  

The world is a man's bathroom.

Mark and Ronguy

This video was made by two close friends, Boylan and Schwartz. They play the roles of their fathers. This is very humorous to me, hopefully everyone can appreciate it on some level.

DC

Twelve ounces of freedom
Silver with black and white
A sip of heaven
Makes me feel just right
Diet Coke running through my veins
Satisfaction
Ease all pains
Refreshing
A feeling of joy
A love affair
That began
When I was a little boy.

Pooponastickdotnet

I don't know exactly how I came across this picture and I'm also not quite sure what it is.  But thats not the important thing.  I often think about things in my childhood that make me laugh. I remember playing out in the yard with a friend of mine.  Playing at his house was always the best.  Skateboard ramps in the basement, Indoor Baseball House League or IBHL,  stale cherry flavored cigarettes, the list goes on.  But no matter what it was, you could count on an adventure of some kind.  So we were playing in the yard and I was taken to an old broken tree fort in the woods.  I was instructed to stay on the ground as my friend went up.  Only to see a few seconds later his poop falling through a hole in the fort.  I began to run away as my friend went to pick up the poop and put it on a stick.  I was far away when I saw him run up to his poor mother who was gardening at the time and ask her if she knew what it was he had found.

Too much chinese?

"I'm completely not full, and its great.  Except that I'm not full."

-Katie Bogomolny 

ATM

ATM interactions are pretty funny to me.  When you go and see strangers there, it is very clear that the people using the ATM should try and avoid eachother and mind their own business as they take out cash.  The problem exists when two or more people go to the ATM together.  What should you do while your friend is using the machine?  It seems that it would be a good idea to try and give your friend their privacy, making it obvious that you are making an effort to make sure you do not see their pin number.  Maybe look at the sky, and pace around in circles for a minute seems appropriate.  Who would actually try and steal their friends pin number?  And what would you do with it?  Steal their card and take it to the machine?  What kind of friend is that?  I dont know where I am going with this so ill stop now.  

I got a briefcase.

This bacon briefcase caught my attention. It reminded me of my own briefcase, and made me a little sad that it is not with me in Israel. My friend (Weiss) and I decided it would be a good idea to start rolling with briefcases to class and around the UW campus. As partners in crime and other sorts of business, this was by far one of the best ideas we have ever had. As I began to carry the briefase, it became clear to me how superior a briefcase was to a backpack or any other type of bag. All of the students carrying backpacks started to look like amatures and even silly to me. I feel lonely without my briefcase, and also feel pretty silly carrying a backpack around.

I thought I was horny

Holy fuck.  This is crazy.  He is thirteen years old and now a father.  This kid is a straight pimp... I guess.  I mean at this age I was getting into some monkey business.  And probably pissing my mom off a lot, but not this much.

Killer Cat

One of the craziest things I have ever seen. Yesterday I was sitting on a park bench. A bunch of pigeons were crowded a little bit in front of us and out of nowhere a cat jumps and just grabs the shit out of the pigeons. All of the other pussy pigeons fly away and start screaming like crazy as the cat goes into a corner and takes care of the bird.

Time for a few fart jokes

George Carlin is/was the man. Whichever way you wanna put it. Always says it like it is. This reminds me of a personal story:

I can remember very distinctively the best fart of my life. Or worst fart of my life, depending on your perspective. It was when I was in middle school and in gym class. The boys and girls class were together for gymnastics. We were all sitting in a large gymnasium, crowded around the teacher who was instructing us on how to do some gymnastics move. It came out and everything happened very fast. It seemed like in an instant I was sitting in the middle of the gym as the rest of the class was dispersed throughout the perimeter. Like oil in water. But i thought it smelled pretty good.

Armin @ Haoman 17

Last night I went to go see Armin Van Buuren at Haoman 17 in Tel Aviv. Sick and crazy time. Up there with the time when I was 14 and got a blowjob in a cemetary while on exctacy. The crowd was incredible as was the music. The night ended on the beach at 9:30am after convincing a restaurant to open to serve us breakfast.

(The video is from last year, same venue)

WOW

Adolf Hitler meets Biggie

My Kinda Bum

I personally enjoy giving money to bums.  Maybe I do it because im young and naive.  Perhaps because I have such a great heart.  This bum would receive 5 dollars from me.  I really appreciate this sign, and I would like to hear more of what he has to say.  You can never go wrong with honesty.

KP

Many of those who have had relationships with me have had the pleasure to experience a "KP" from me in the past.  

KP was originated about 8 years ago (+/-).  It started as somewhat of an ongoing game between my friends and me.  A KP is a quick reach or grab towards the genatlia.  It can be from any angle, and have any level of force.  It works best when the victim is not paying attention.  My friends and I would constantly KP each other as a nice surprise, or sometimes it would turn into a mass of KP played by many at the same time.

The name of the act is and always has been under dispute.  Some say KP stands for "kroch poke" some say "krouch poke," and some think it is "Kraus Poke."  There is no dispute about the fact that the name has something to do with a combination of crotch and Kraus.  Kraus is James Kraus, who may be the originator of the KP.  And if he was not the originator, he was definitely the biggest perpetrator.  

Over the years, the game has calmed down.  Most of the original KP players probably haven't KP'd for years.  But not me.  I have continued to play with many others.  Usually I am the one doing the poking.  It sometimes is hard for me to tell when a friendship has reached a level that I feel comfortable KPing the friend.  Some friendships never reach this level.  I also have offended some people in the past, and have been told by a friend "ya really just gotta stop grabbing girls pussys."  

But in the end, its all just a game.  And hopefully you may be lucky enough to play some day.

CKY Coke Throw

This cky clip is awesome. I actually once heard of a story that some friends pulled this move. They are most likely full of shit, but if not. I commend them.

Dogdoo.com

Ive known about dogdoo.com for a while.  It is a site that anonymously ships dog shit to a deserving persons home.  At many points in my life, I have seriously considered using this service in order to get back at some various cocksuckers/cuntstains.  But every time I think I am going to resort to shit-sending, I cannot justify spending money on the deserving prick (s).  Anyways, the fact this service exists is very comforting to me.  

Update

Tel Aviv is sweet.  A lot of good friends, my brother and his girlfriend and also cool kids in the program.  Internet is fucked up, hopefully more posts soon.  The weather is really nice, a perfect temperature that will do minimal grundle damage.  

Every mom needs some of this

Hot Girl

For some reason I thought it would be interesting to do a google image search on "hot girl."  This lucky lady is the one who came up first.  The website seems like it is some sort of blog for University of Colorado.  I wonder if this girl knows how famous she has become.  I am in a fraternity.  If that wasn't clear before, now it is.

"If I had a million dollars, I'd keep it.  So I could be a millionaire.

A very under appreciated un-written rule

I believe that the rule of not eating while taking a shit is one that is very well followed throughout the general public.  I do not ever recall a time when some one told me about this rule, but for as long as I can remember, I have always been a strict follower of it.

I wonder if this is instinctual or has something to do with social behavior.  I remember coming across candy rappers and disposed food items in the bathroom of my apartment from time to time and always being a little bit confused.  Did some one walk in as they finished the food, and throw out the garbage on their way in?  Or did some person eat the food while in the bathroom?More importantly did they eat while taking a shit?  

I would be very interested to find out more about the subject.  Perhaps speak with some one who does not follow this rule. 

Steelers Eagles

In my years of experience, I have come across a variety of people from Philadelphia and Pittsburgh.  I don't think it is fair to generalize such a large group of people, however from the cast of characters that I have come across, many generalizations can be made.

They speak their mind, they are not afraid, often times relentless.  They will not take bullshit, and wont take no for an answer.  They believe there is no place better than PA on the earth, and wont stop talking about how great the Steelers are or how their philly cheese steaks are so much better than anything you have ever eaten.  One thing's for sure, when it comes to sports they will freak the fuck out.  Never stop talking shit, always positive that their team is "the best" (without dispute), and of course hating all other fans as much as possible.  Especially rivals.

Recently I have been imagining a situation which the Pittsburgh Steelers will meet the Philadelphia Eagles in the super bowl.  Both teams are favored in the AFC and NFC championship game.  Wouldn't this just be miraculous.  Let all the cocksuckers from Philly and Pittsburgh duke it out, talk more shit than ever, be completely out of line and absurd and discover who truly is "the best."

Keep in mind, if one team loses on Sunday, this thought becomes completely irrelevant.

Sniff/Whiff

First off all, and most importantly, let me get a whiff???

If I was somehow granted the opportunity to sniff a vagina in the middle of class, I most certainly would.  This would be more fun than passing notes, text messaging, doodling or anything else I could think of doing during class.  If I was a chick, this video would probably be me.

With that said, how common is this type of occurrence?  I would have to imagine that this girl is not the only one who has pulled this move before.  So how many girls are doing this and slipping under the radar?  And as for the class sniffers, how often are they sniffing?

I happen to know one girl in particular who is undoubtedly a class sniffer.  This video would probably sufficiently sum up her time spent in middle school. 

Sweet T-shirt

When I was about 14 or so my aunt bought me this t-shirt.  For some reason when she saw this shirt, it immediately made her think of me.  I don't really know exactly what her implications were when giving me the shirt.  Anyways, its been probably 5 years since I've seen the shirt, yet every once and a while I think about it and wish it was still around.  I have many times considered buying the shirt again.  But I cant decide if it will help or hurt my game.

The double handshake/ arrival in Tel Aviv

This hand-shake is a very bold move.  Often used by a superior to give respect to one younger or less experienced than him or her.  A lot of people above the age of 65 seem to use it in all situations.  Some people use it more than others, some are very genuine while doing it, sometimes it is executed simply as a mistake. 

I remember being in shock when my friend Andy told me he accidentally used the double handshake on his girlfriend's father, after meeting him for the first time.

So I got into the taxi at the Tel Aviv airport and headed towards my brother's apartment.  After an enjoyable ride and good conversation, my driver got out of the car to help me with my bags and offer me good luck and an unexpected, yet warranted and fully appreciated double hand shake.  I don't know what could have been a better way to start a trip.  I believe it will really set me off on the right foot in all of my journeys abroad.

I would also like to note that the shower pressure in my brother's apartment is by far the best I have ever experienced.

Peace Out

Air Canada Flight 0084
1/10/2009 Depart Toronto (YYZ) at 11:55 PM
1/11/2009 Arrive Tel Aviv (TLV) at 5:45 PM

hahhahaa

Artificial Hymen

Apparently you can purchase artificial hymen these days. This is a pretty entertaining thought to me. So the next time a girl tells you she's virgin, you aught to ask her where she purchased that hymen.

"This movie might as well be called Clint Eastwood being sweet" says Jim Kraus after viewing the bootlegged version of the film at around 4:00 PM on January 9, 2009.

I couldn't agree more with Kraus. CHeck it out.

Fuck bathroom attendants

This comic was inspired by my experience last night at a club in Rochester, NY called SOHO. I was trying to have a good time, but the bathroom attended kept killing my buzz every time I wanted to use the bathroom.

Bud Ice Baby

Bud Ice is a highly under rated beer. And comes in the sickest 12 ounce bottle. Resembles ICE

Possibly the best commercial ever. This song has been going through my head since it aired in 98.

Mitch Hedberg

Just remembered that this guy existed/ does not actually exist anymore.

FantasticFour/NE

Exciting news

I would like to inform you that I am now a member of beard team USA.


Hi Jeremy,

Congratulations! You are now on Beard Team USA. Represent your country proudly! I have added you to the email list so you'll be getting team info by email.

We have an official local chapter in Madison, called the Badgerland Beards. It is headed up by Joel Wood and Jesse Merkel. You may want to get in touch with them to see what is going on with the chapter. Their email address are jwood2@wisc.edu and jesse.merkel@mnsu.edu.

The next world championships are on May 23, 2009 in Anchorage, Alaska. We are hoping to make our best showing ever. We would love to have you join us on the group trip to the championships. You can read about it here: www.beardteamusa.org/tour09.htm.

Be sure to check out www.beardteamusa.org/buy.html, where you can get BTUSA stuff (beer mugs, cool polo shirts, etc).

I am really happy to have you on the team. BTUSA is all about fun, friendship, and generating respect for beards. Please keep in touch.

Cheers,

Phil Olsen

Founder and self-appointed Captain

Beard Team USA

Balls Out!!

This is what happens when you get hit in the nuts by an 80MPH fastball. This is the proud picture of my friend, who will remain anonymous. In his hand is a quarter, just for size comparison purposes.